I've felt weird about blogging lately--not that I have any intentions to stop, but I'm feeling a shift in wardrobing. Suddenly a lot of what I have seems a little too prim, or sweet, things I thought for years I would never give up. I'm suddenly concerned with appearing too 'done', feeling too fussed with. These days are always in the middle of feeling the opposite, ones when I want to pile on the eyeshadow and curl my hair and be all kinds of outfitted.
That, and after all this time I still hate running around with the self-timer. There are always people around and it just feels so uncomfortable in front of the camera then! It's my main deterrent, that and taking 300 pictures and hating all of them. I'm constantly torn between wanting to keep up with everyone who has such nice shots, good backgrounds and locations, and wanting to just do what I've always done and keep a visual log of my outfits and thoughts regardless of what's going on these days with sponsors and whatnot.
Dress: J. Crew, Shoes: Converse, finally dirty, Bag: Vintage, thrifted, breaking.
I suppose this is part of why I've been slowly chopping my hair over the last few weeks. Months, if I'm being honest. The last chunk went last week, this sudden moment of cutting clarity finally gaining momentum into what I suppose is the long bob that's been the thing for a year or so now. I just felt like my hair was hanging there, not doing much, and it had to go. Of course I'm struck with moments of But Elves Don't Have Short Hair, because I think I'll never let go of my Tolkien-life dreams, before thinking yeah but you also don't live in Middle Earth, so.
I'm fascinated by pinterest hair inspiration boards, all these women with that J. Crew undone, slightly fuzzy, but clearly alive hair tucked behind ears with middle or deep side parts. What potion is happening to make that possible? I've got curls down, pins and rags and curling irons, but straight and un-done is a whole different world to me. My hair texture is none--it's smooth like it's been flat-ironed, so I've already amassed quite a pile of products promising texture and volume. I'm trying not to use heat, just let it do what it wants, but after years of being fussy about all of it, letting go is proving difficult. I didn't even like this dress much when we first got it in at work. And then it went way on sale, and despite my efforts at saving lately, which have been going mostly alright, I thought well, I need something easy to get me through, something to throw on without having to think about it but still look somewhat put together: the saving grace of a summer dress.
It's also pressing towards August, humid 90-degree days and the occasional soupy rain shower, where every day is a different easy dress with sneakers. All my espadrilles are stained by this point, straps on sandals are starting to come apart from wear, these are the grubby days of summer when we're all gulping up whatever golden days we've got left, dirty soles of feet and chlorine dreams.